tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7645595.post111358396138892884..comments2023-03-24T06:58:35.803-07:00Comments on Try Avoidance: 12 Brothers - The Lyrics: InheritanceJoshua Provosthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13265131010200627988noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7645595.post-1114044074393467532005-04-20T17:41:00.000-07:002005-04-20T17:41:00.000-07:00How about:of his sweet-ish young wifeHow about:<BR/><BR/><I>of his sweet-ish young wife</I>Jeremyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14875093009361765014noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7645595.post-1114033827886241402005-04-20T14:50:00.000-07:002005-04-20T14:50:00.000-07:00So you don't think we should go with Swedish?So you don't think we should go with Swedish?Jeremyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14875093009361765014noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7645595.post-1114033440049105222005-04-20T14:44:00.000-07:002005-04-20T14:44:00.000-07:00Swedish young wife? Do I have to ban you from com...Swedish young wife? Do I have to ban you from commenting here?Joshua Provosthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13265131010200627988noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7645595.post-1114020358654167662005-04-20T11:05:00.000-07:002005-04-20T11:05:00.000-07:00I was thinking about changing it to:to the hospita...I was thinking about changing it to:<BR/><BR/><I>to the hospital bedside<BR/>of his Swedish young wife</I>Jeremyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14875093009361765014noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7645595.post-1113918246267216292005-04-19T06:44:00.000-07:002005-04-19T06:44:00.000-07:00OK, so we go with "we won't" and we switch the ord...OK, so we go with "we won't" and we switch the order of the two lines. Sounds good. It's official in the 12Brothers.txt file.<BR/><BR/>There shall be no repeating of a chorus, though. I hate that. I like how this story just unfolds without shoving anything down your throat. Don't be so concerned about length. Like I said, these are all 3-4 minute songs.Jeremyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14875093009361765014noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7645595.post-1113891831084977482005-04-18T23:23:00.000-07:002005-04-18T23:23:00.000-07:00Jer, Yeh, "we won't." I think the line is good, ...Jer,<BR/><BR/> Yeh, "we won't." I think the line is good, but we should switch them up. I'm also leaning towards repeating the chorus lines twice within the chorus, to make it longer. I made some changes on the guitar to keep it interesting. All in all, I think I've got what I need to do a better demo. I think once we get these all roughed out, I can do that next.<BR/><BR/>Later,<BR/>JoshJoshua Provosthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13265131010200627988noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7645595.post-1113710600258568012005-04-16T21:03:00.000-07:002005-04-16T21:03:00.000-07:00Brock, you've brought out some excellent points. W...Brock, you've brought out some excellent points. We definitely need to show these men as human, though extremely misguided at the moment. Remember that we'll need to redeem these folks by track five.<BR/><BR/>I do stand whole-heartedly behind Joshua's suggestions. There is actually one line that I don't particularly like in the original and I'm trying to come up with something new. Here it is:<BR/><BR/><I>we must<BR/>protect<BR/>what we have worked so hard for</I><BR/><BR/>It just seems like a weak note to go out on. Conversely, I really like the line that proceeds it:<BR/><BR/><I>i won't<BR/>divide<BR/>what we so rightfully deserve</I><BR/><BR/>Though it should probably say "we won't" for the purpose of clarity. Joshua suggested that at the very least we switch these two lines around to build to a crescendo. I'd like to even scrap the "worked so hard for line" and go with something different. "we must protect" is still a good way to start it, but it needs a new ending.Jeremyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14875093009361765014noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7645595.post-1113609293445045522005-04-15T16:54:00.000-07:002005-04-15T16:54:00.000-07:00Brock, yeh, it's Jacob and his brothers, but in a ...Brock, yeh, it's Jacob and his brothers, but in a business context.<BR/><BR/>Hey, background reading, check out the chapters that apply in the Bible Stories book. Then, you'll be able to contribute to the songs and lyrics. I know we're open to everyone chiming in on this one.Joshua Provosthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13265131010200627988noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7645595.post-1113608107048212392005-04-15T16:35:00.000-07:002005-04-15T16:35:00.000-07:00Ok, I just read up on the old post and am abreast ...Ok, I just read up on the old post and am abreast of the whole deal that has revealed itself here on this blog.<BR/><BR/>First and foremost, I don't really have any personal suggestions on the song other then a resounding support for Josh's suggestions. Why? In your original version of the song, they sound like James Bond bad guys. Clearly, that wasn't what you were going for. By making them have their own definition of "right" the listener is able to understand that they're not token villains or anything trite like that -- but that they have a viewpoint on the matter and that they operate on the basis of greed. Sure, they do bad things, but they’re also human beings, right? The best of the worst are always understood, no matter how wrong their “right” is.<BR/><BR/>Anyhow, it's an interesting story. A retelling of a Bible event? Either that, or some story I haven't heard.Brockhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01524358004155083525noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7645595.post-1113595922185063762005-04-15T13:12:00.000-07:002005-04-15T13:12:00.000-07:00Very good suggestions. I have included them in 12B...Very good suggestions. I have included them in 12Brothers.txt. This process shouldn't take but a few days, so hold your horses until I send out a completed version.Jeremyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14875093009361765014noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7645595.post-1113588867404783952005-04-15T11:14:00.000-07:002005-04-15T11:14:00.000-07:00Excellent pic, BTW.Excellent pic, BTW.Joshua Provosthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13265131010200627988noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7645595.post-1113588616719743152005-04-15T11:10:00.000-07:002005-04-15T11:10:00.000-07:00You know, I think this is going to be a very good ...You know, I think this is going to be a very good thing. I'm here at work, tapping out a beat, and coming up with a melody for this one. I've got something similar to "I Am Always The One Who Calls" going.<BR/><BR/>Actually, all the lyrics fit the meter I'm going for. However, there are two points I would suggest for improvement. These make it fit just a little better, and I think advance the story.<BR/><BR/><I>they were hot and bothered<BR/>by this new addition</I><BR/><BR/>becomes<BR/><BR/><I>they were hot and bothered<BR/>by this complication</I><BR/><BR/>Works better when sung, and carries more animosity. A new addition conveys too much compassion for the child as an individual. Calling him a complication depersonalizes him.<BR/><BR/><I>it just did not seem fair<BR/>so they had to hatch a scheme</I><BR/><BR/>becomes<BR/><BR/><I>it just did not seem fair<BR/>so they had to make this right</I><BR/><BR/>The original lyric was awkward. This one goes better with the music/lyric interaction I have in my head. Also, it's more insidious, and it shows a contrasting point of view on what is "right and wrong" which will come back up again in the next song (not to jump ahead).<BR/><BR/>I hope you're keeping track of the lyrics. You should email me a snapshot every day. I may have to go home and write the guitar parts.Joshua Provosthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13265131010200627988noreply@blogger.com