12 Brothers - The Lyrics: Sunsets

Prerequisite reading thus far:

Add to that a previous entry I had written regarding this song entitled Anti-Global Rotation 51. It's really required reading this time, because there are some important details in there that I don't feel like repeating.

This song is intended to let us take a little journey with #12. Basically, the story picks up right where Business left off. The beginning portion lets us feel his grief after being forced out of the family. #12 faked his death to avoid prison (or something like that) and he has fled to Mexico. Later on he gets tempted and refuses to be enticed.

The lyrics here are certainly a bit wayward and without focus. They take us all over the map. At the same time, though, that's kind of the goal. This song bridges the two halves of the EP.

it struck my like an old childhood memory
i knew his pain, too
knew his pain, too
but it wasn't as strong with me now
strong with me now
so the crying continued
crying continued
so different from each other
so different from each other
yet so close to each other
so close to each other
and the thought of these two individuals
the thought of these two
the thought of who they were
who they were
the thought of what they were dealing
what they were dealing with
touched my heart deeply
touched my heart
like a volcano long lay dormant erupting with full force
like an Arizona summer rain
like a dictator's reign
or like a paralyzed man's first step
i, too, began to cry
i began to cry

no more
i began to cry
no more
no more
no more sunsets

things looked better in the southwest
though if he left i bet he'd get depressed
still things looked better in the southwest
felt it was time to leave the business
and hope sun and spaces will make him forget
the desert's brighter than his current mess
'cause things are better in the southwest

thus with nothing else to do
with nothing within my power to change
the three of me just sat and cried until the sun came up

no more
i began to cry
no more
no more
no more
i began to cry

i am not consumed
or even enticed
by its tempting juice
or her tightening vice
i know its just her clever ruse

no more
no more
no more
no more

This will be Joshua's toughest challenge yet. It isn't going to be easy to come up with a demo for this song. It brings a lot of instruments into play (as well as requiring the ability to play those instruments poorly, which is harder than you might think). Remember, no more lyrics until I get a demo.


Joshua Provost said...

So, what qualifies as a demo? Would posting the live version from the Zeitgeist show qualify?

For one, this song now has too many lyrics. Consider how long the original was, and that had half as many lyrics. You've got this whole "southwest" part, and I have no idea what that goes with. I need some guidance here.

Joshua Provost said...

11:26! The original is 11:26. This one will be 15:00, at least. I don't think I have the stamina for this one.

Joshua Provost said...

OK, so for the first time, I'm hitting tape 15, the TMINM ZG show. Man, we rocked this show. Solid songs, well played all around.

Auto... hot.
Good Conscience... hot.
Failure... hot!
Saucy... hot.
Standard Issue... hot hot hot and I fall down at the end of the song. That's hot!
$545... killer.

There's more, but I'm looking for Sunsets.

Jeremy said...

I don't think either of those songs that you posted counts as a demo. I'm going to give you a pass on this one, though, because I'm having seconds thoughts about it altogether.

I personally like the additional lyrics that were added but they don't fit the tone of everything else. I have a melody for them, but they it's not remotely close to the melody of the rest of the song. It just seems like I'm trying to slam too many different things together.

I think we should call this song "Deficit".

Can I get the recording of Business from the ZQ show? You could post it under "12 Brothers - The Video: Business".

OK, so where do we go from here? Do we just go with the original lyrics? Do we scrap the original lyrics/music altogether and just write something new that incorporates the newer lyrics? I need some direction.

Joshua Provost said...

This is a real strange song for the dead middle of an EP. Maybe it's too cliche to put this song at the end of something, but there's reason you find these type of songs at the end.

You don't want the video of Business. The new version I recorded is much better. Granted, it was good at the show, but the delivery of the verses was very much the same for every verse. Hearing it was like taking a step back.

If you can write a new song, that's cool, I'm up for it. Or, you could trim it up a bit so it's the same song, just more to the point (shorter).

Joshua Provost said...

OK, so I never gave a fair shake at the actual lryics here.

So, I'm a little confused by this song in terms of the voice. Who is speaking? What is the perspective?

I think it would be good to tighten up the first section, for timing and clarity.

I like the Southwest verse. It's a good little verse about ME! I like the line about the "three of me." I'm not sure how this verse fits in to the music, because we never had a quiet part to go back to.

I'm not digging the enticement verse, not at all. Very graphic.

Jeremy said...

Yeah, the Southwest verse is decent. And I even have a melody for it, though that doesn't mean it will fit with the melody of the rest of the song.

This song is from the perspective of #12/narrator.